Marriage: What Kissing Does for Your Marriage
The Philosophy of a Kiss
What does a kiss mean? When lip-to-lip, you have been welcomed into their personal space. The response says they are agreeable, accessible and vulnerable. This overpowering sense of physical connection is spoken with words and verified in the eyes. A kiss is a great thing.
What is the real value of a kiss? It is best when it is held sacred. I told my daughters in their dating years, “a kiss from a Currie is something very special. Don’t just give them to anybody.” This expression of fondness is like a promise. It signifies, “I am exclusive with you…you are my one and only.” That kind of kiss says something.
The Physics of a Kiss
What makes a kiss work? Proximity. You don’t kiss from a distance. To smooch well, you are in their face. Generally, the longer the kiss, the more intimate the intention.
The placement of the kiss says a lot too. Societal norms reveal that a kiss on the cheek is friendship, on the forehead is comfort, on the nose is play, on the lips is love, and on the neck screams a desire for more. There are kisses of compassion, pecks of play, and smooches displaying affection. There is also deeply passionate kissing- a part of sexual foreplay. Kissing shouldn’t only lead to sex but always needs to be part of great sex.
Many couples have lost the art of kissing. Good kissing is often and varied. Little kisses lead to more meaningful ones. More kissing leads to more closeness. Add the frequent kisses of connection when saying hello or good-bye. One of my favorites is the reunion kiss- those moments at the airport when I plant a big one and pick up my wife and swing her around. It never gets old.
The Physiology of a Kiss
Why does kissing feel so good? The God-created secret behind this pleasure is that the lips are the most sensitive region of the body over the genitals and fingertips. It’s the thinnest skin covering an extensive set of nerve-endings. Kissing feels so good because lips were designed to feel so good.
But stick with me – there’s more. A kiss is so powerful because it can set off at least four chemical explosions inside you.
First, pheromones are airborne chemicals often referred to as ‘chemistry’ between people. Natural human scents are emitted unconsciously by all people and when smelt by someone in a close exchange – like a kiss – can elicit strong reactions of attraction or aversion.
Next is the rush of adrenaline that is produced in high-stress or physically exhilarating situations. A kiss can literally “make your heart race” because with adrenaline, there is an increase in heart rate, blood pressure and dilation of pupils. You feel the surge and it feels good.
Further, pleasure centers of the brain become active with the surprise and excitement of a good kiss. It can trigger a release of dopamine, another hormone that brings a sense of giddiness or euphoria associated with romantic love. You get that feel good all over sensation.
Finally, a kiss can move beyond romantic attraction to deep attachment. When the affection is right and the commitment real, there will be a release of oxytocin that evokes feelings of contentment, reductions in anxiety, and feelings of calmness and security around a mate. A deep bond is created.
The Psychology of a Kiss
What does a good kiss from the right person do? It brings a sense of well-being, belonging, and acceptance. There’s the joy of loving and being loved. It builds self-esteem with the confidence that you are known and still loved. Kissing burns calories, relieves stress and men who kiss their spouses good-bye in the morning are said to live 5 years longer. Enjoy these great benefits of kissing in marriage.
Kiss more the people that really matter and kiss far less the people that matter not.
Keep kissing in your marriage. Kiss for these and more reasons. Kiss much more often. Right now, ask yourself, how many times each day do I kiss my mate? Do I vary the types of kisses I give? What’s preventing me from expressing my affection more?
Remember: You’ll never regret putting your marriage and family first and sealing it with a kiss. Pass this on to someone who needs the reminder of what kissing can do for a marriage.
© Dr. Dave Currie, June 2010
What a GREAT reminder!! I have been married for 3 years and kissing seems to have taken the back seat to the craziness of our everyday life! I am going straight home after work today and laying a BIG one my honey!! Thanks Dave!!
He is a lucky man! Hearts and lips are connected somehow. I think God made it that way!
What an awesome feeling it is to know that my hubby & I have still got that spicey ingredient after almost 14 years of marriage! But after reading this… well … there can never be too much! Thanks for that terrific reinforcement!!
Keep on KISSING him, Barb! It does all kinds of great things!!!
An surprisingly multi-faceted and complex action! Research of this kind for sex is more wide spread but people would also benefit from this knowledge greatly, especially since kissing is so casual in this culture. Wonderful article Dave!
Great comment EZRA. Really felt we could elevate the value of a kiss and make it more intentional.
This article was very informative. It was also nice to read an article that talks about the importance of kissing. How it can help with intimacy in marriage and isn’t something that you just do with anyone for fun. Kissing is far more important than a lot of people give it credit for.
Great article! I always have thought to myself it is important to give a kiss to someone who is important, but there is a lot more to it than I thought! I will definitely take this kind of advice into the marriage God has planned for me in the future! Thanks!
Good decision, Ethan.
This article was a great read! it defiantly gave me a new outlook on kissing, from what I had before. It’s not something to use on everyone, I guess that’s why we don’t use the Holy Kiss anymore huh? ha ha…
Save it all for the face of the one you will marry. It’s so sweet!
Thank you very much Dr Dave, i wish this also happen into my marriage we ahve been together for 9 years and been marriad for three years, he says he never feels like kissing me and or make love to me but he loves me he doesnt know why. and he says needs help because know its happening like tjis we are both christaians and we are intersors in the church. and we both strongly believe in God. i love him so much and whenever i talk i feel like he doesnt care .
Daisy,
Thank you for sharing your story. You need to get to the “why” of his disinterest in you – whether it is kissing or sexuality. Work together as a couple to get to the bottom of it. Don’t blame or shame him but don’t ignore the problem and problem it is. God assumes that there will be healthy passionate connection physically. I Cor. 7:3,4. Proverbs 5:16-20, and Song of Solomon. IF you are intercessors in your church, take your marriage to the Lord in prayer. Ask Him for a turnaround.
Dr. Dave
appreciate it for ones data.
Dave that is some good words, we have been married for over 15 years, and it is awsome kissing my wife, a kiss makes my day so much better, and being in love with my spouse is the best thing ever, kissing is good, but there is a time and a place for it, infront of a window no, behind the wall yes, take plesure in respecting the place to kiss works better then just any were, my spouse is my lover and best freind. thanks again for the word kissing.
My husband doesnt kiss me… itold him several times but when i ask then only he kissess me as if he is doing mr a favour.. now iam in relation with my past boyfriend who is in love with me fort the past 14 years… i realy enjoy each other company and he wants to marry me , i feel the same way..but i have 18 months old son …and also i feel guilty for betraying my husband as he is good person but i am not happu with him, no fun, no kiss, nocuddling,no touch but we had sex… what to do.. plz help